A James Veitch-style Spam Email

If any of you are familiar with the comedian James Veitch, you’d know that he’s made many a comedy routine out of replying to spam emails and other such inbox messages, most famously the one from “Solomon Odonkoh.”

The reason for mentioning this is that a similar spam email came this way, and it’s so hilarious that it’s worth sharing here:

Dearest One,

I’m writing you this mail with the trust that only you can help me in this situation for your trusted and God-fearing personality.

I’m sorry to intrude into your privacy. I saw your profile in the web (international domain database) when I was looking for a reliable trustee to whom I should entrust my funds, I don’t want to have my offer declined because I have prayed over it and I’m convinced beyond all doubts that you could be of help to me and carry out this offer successfully, please kindly accept it with an open and positive mind.

I’m MRS CHUN WEI YALING, 66 years, from (Lhasa) China but based in Republic of Burkina Faso. I have been here for over 14 years and have been grappling with breast cancer disease. My doctor just confirmed to me that I have just a few time to live. I’m a business woman dealing on gold exportation before the sickness. I had an amount of fund that I want you to help me get into your bank account to set up a project to immortalize me if I eventually pass on.

Now that I’m ending this Earthly race in this sad manner without any family members nor child, I deem it necessary to build an Orphanage home. I had instructed the bank to transfer $2 million US dollar personal fund in my account with the Africa Development Bank Burkina Faso to St, Andrews Missionary Home Burkina Faso but my mind is still not at rest. I’m writing you now through the help of a computer beside my sick bed in the hospital.

My main reason of contacting you now is because of the sum of my $5.5 Million USD with the Bank of Africa here in Burkina Faso. I had earlier instructed the bank to transfer the money to the bank account of the first foreigner been male or female that will apply to the claim of the Fund after my Death or Alive but you will assure me with the name of God the most high that you will take only 40% for yourself and use 60% to build an Orphanage Home with my name in your country just to immortalize my time on Earth and my mind to be at rest.

I shall give you the Email Address of the Bank and my data’s once I receive a positive response from you through this my private Email Address:mrschunweiyaling@gmail.com

Please treat this mail as urgent adjuration!

Please, kindly Reply me with the details below for my confirmation so that I can forward the Bank Email Address to you to contact them as soon as possible.

1.Full name:
2.Your Age:
3.Sex:
4.Nationality:
5.Country of residence:
6.Telephone Number:
7.Marital status:
8.Occupation:
9.Send to me your picture
10.You have to assure me you will act as I have instructed you above if the money gets to your Bank Account/

Yours Sincerely.
Mrs Chun Wei Yaling.

This looks like a variation on the “advance-fee scam,” in which the scammer promises a large amount of money in return for a small upfront fee. The wording of it was just so outlandish that it couldn’t just remain in the inbox. It’s interesting to note that the text of this same email had appeared on several scam and fraud related forums, however, such as this one: Chun Wei Yaling – Stopscamfraud.com.

In any case, no, this person isn’t going to get any money, but it might be fun to mess with them. Do you have any suggestions as to how to do that? They’re always appreciated.

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